youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In America we eat man semen.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
