if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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