I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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