try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
