Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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