brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
