So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
