Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
