Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
