If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
