I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
