Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
