is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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