Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
