we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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