lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
