I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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