After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize