Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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