I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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