Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
