A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
