So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
