even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
