fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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