My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
