Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize