No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
