NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
pray to the hookup gods
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
