I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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