yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
