dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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