Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
