Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
