with your own penis?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
