I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
