dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
