i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
