i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
