She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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