so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
