And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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