Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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