Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have post one night stand depression
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