Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
