Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
