I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
