is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
