I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
