You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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