The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
