East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
