laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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