Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I believe in your delicious
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
