eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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