Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
