I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
