Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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