i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We have so much sex to catch up on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
