Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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