Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
