Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
