So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
