my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
