my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
