hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
