well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize