Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
