we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
