If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize