apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
