you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
