i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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