it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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