what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
