So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize