Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
