he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
