My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
