Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
