her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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