your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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