there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
