Taylor Swift is so right about you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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