Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
