got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its liver damage thursday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
