nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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