She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
