I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
