I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
