I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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