Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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