there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
