how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
