Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
