I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
