You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
