i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
