the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
