If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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