Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
