i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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