i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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