Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
