these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
