Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
