How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize