Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
