Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize