just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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