Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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