Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
