just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
