Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize